A new perspective

Still dealing with headache of identity theft and having someone file a fake tax return. THANKS ASSHAT! Fuck me running.

Finally heard from my former best friend. I was dumb enough to co-sign on a car loan for her. Bitch has not even made the first payment. Car payment is now 38 days over due. I finally tracked her down, at she would not return text messages, phone calls, or emails. I had to go and get all stalker like since she did a middle of the night move and fucked over her old land lord.

Found out from a former friend of hers the general area where she moved to and then had to wait until she left the house to get her to talk with me. She tried her normal poor poor pitiful me crap. I said 'Oh really, well I had my identity stolen, my $2000 tax return is now being held up a minimum of nine months, and Thanks to you I have a 30 day late payment on my credit report.' She then tried tears but I would not buy it.

Gave her the latest bill for the car and notice from the state about no insurance. She tried to huge me as I left which earned her a hand in her face no I don't think so. I don't wait to be to sexually aggressive. A claim she made to a girl I was interested in dating after she quit talking me.

I can forgive but I don't forget. She is the woman who has made the biggest fundamental change in my personality in 25 year. I do not trust anyone anymore until they earn it. I do not help anymore at all unless they are truly in need. I do not love anymore as it is never returned to me. MESSAGE ENDS

You find out who your friends are...

We faithful readers who stumble upon this rambling blog of my discontent I am back with more self indulgent complaints again. Life has been somewhat interesting. I have really found out recently who my friends are and my importance to them. I have always been a quiet self contained person. I keep my own counsel and only reach out when I am in dire need and really hurting. Well I found out that my supposed best friend was really not that much of a friend. I have basically been lied to the last year by her. She plays the victim very well, but recently I started to see the inconsistency in her lies.

Its always the little details that trip up a liar. Then finding out the stories and lies about me that she told other women she claimed to be trying to set me up with were truly disheartening. It is apparent she wanted me all to herself to be her personal white knight she could keep at arms reach. With no real intimacy I was reaching the tipping point and she managed to remove herself from my life by giving me the silent treatment at a time when I really needed someone to talk with. I am done with the games.

Her claim of being the one hurt is laughable at best. She was the one who suggested I go out with her ex. Then finding out the truth about the last 60 days was eye opening. I understand an ex does have an ax to grind but verifying the facts independently showed me who she really is as a person. Well good luck to her in this life as she is dead to now.

Out in the Cold

Well dear readers things have not improved for the GrumpyEMT. Just when life seems its most cold and lonely it can always get worse. The one person I have always thought would be there to lend a supportive ear has up and disappeared from my life with no explanation. I understand we all have tough times and sometimes need to focus on ourselves. Thats life and as a man I understand this fact. What I do not understand is a total lack of communication. I was dumb enough to help this person solve their transportation issues by being a cosigner for them, Helped get them in a better housing situation, and helped find cash side jobs. Now their lack of fulltime regular employment is preventing the car payments from being made. Bad enough the insurance is in my name and I have to pay it cause its attached to my cars policy with a multi vehicle cheaper rate. The time for being kind and helpful is over. Caring about someone and putting myself out there is a losing proposition. If this person would just speak to me in some manner and let me know what is going on I would feel better having some knowledge of whats going on and could deal with the situation in a more positive fashion. Ugh life blows. MESSAGE ENDS

Managing Expectations

Managing expectations, this is a skill most adults should have but often do not. I have finally gotten better about managing my expectations in life. I have learned that I need to expect the worst from everything and be surprised when something good happens. I have worked hard to be positive and do good things. I just hurts to much to put that kind of effort into everything when nothing positive comes back. These last 7 days have been all about learning to manage my expectations. I had hoped that going on vacation would give me a break from routine and help me maintain focus and stay on track. WRONG! It managed to show me reality up close and personal and reaffirm my role in the universe. In the story of my life I am not the hero, I am a secondary character who dies off in the second act to move the story forward. Whats really said is that I am fine with this fact. I have realized that if I was gone tomorrow my passing would only effect my Mom and a friend. The effect would be only 20% emotional and 80% financial as they both depend on my monetary support. Mom would be fine with my life insurance and my friend would move on and find another form of support. That is the crushing realization that I came face to face this week, all I am is a paycheck. I earn a decent living and help support 2 people. I have to love, romance, or passion in my life. My best friends are fictional characters I spend time with in books. My primary socialization is online through social networking sites, and I have no one I can call to spend face time with when I need it the most. So I have learned to manage my expectations of what I want in life. Love, family, and children are for other people. All I can reasonably expect is to wake up and spend another day alone, facing the same challenges each day brings. Hope is something I can longer afford. Tomorrow is just another day the same as this one.

Cloudy and Overcast

The current weather really does match my mood right now. T minus six days and counting until vacation. On Jan 31 at 8 am I am leaving this desert wasteland for Gulfport, MS. Spending 10 days with on old friend if everything goes right. I am crossing my fingers that life does not go sideways and prevent me from going. What could prevent this trip? Well there is my elderly Mother I financially support and care for, last time I had a 5 day vacation planned she ended up in the hospital the night before I was scheduled to leave so that trip was cancelled. Last year I had this same trip planned and at the last minute my friend cancelled cause his ex and her family showed up at his place to stay for 2 weeks unannounced. So two days before my vacation I was left with no place to stay no money to cover the cost of hotels for that many nights.

I am a pessimist, life has kicked me in the teeth too many times to be optimistic anymore. I really don't even want to come back from vacation. I am going to do some job interviews while out there on the Gulf Coast. Its not realistic but the fantasy of having options is a pleasant one where I can dream of living a life of my choosing and not one where I am bound by a promise to my dying Father. Well thats it for today. MESSAGE ENDS

Drama Central

What a cruddy 4 days off work. My life has more drama lately than day time TV. My best friend is a cute woman who is going through some truly horrible stuff. Family is supposed to help in your time of need, hers is doing the opposite. She moved back in with her family short term to get out of a bad situation only this turned out worse for her.

I finally sat her down when I got home from shift on Monday and had a long talk and got her to see the medical professionals she needed to see to help her deal with the situation. I did my best to frame the conversation in a manner that made it her choice but afterwards I explained to her that as my friend and someone I care deeply about she was getting help with or without her consent. She said she understood and hugged me as she cried.

She is doing better now and getting more help and guidance from the right people. I help where I can and have helped her be able to move herself and children out of her parents home to a safe place. I do love this woman and she loves me as well just I am realistic about me expectations. She has never had emotional support from anyone in the last 10 years and having someone kind and caring who places her safety and peace of mind before my material wants is something she is having a hard time accepting.

Its a sad commentary on our society when I am just being the normal decent guy my parents raised and its not the norm for people to behave decently without an agenda. I am just providing her kindness and caring for someone else who needs help and has no where to turn. I thought that was the basic precept of a just and moral society. Then again there I go thinking...

Troubles, yeah I have a few

Well Dear readers who ever you are time for another installment of the rant/whinefest that is this blog with the very cool Heinlein title in the header.

Todays subject is shit. I have been fed a double helping of it the last few days. At work I was infected with the strep virus by an flaming prick who also works for the ambulance. I got screwed over on my sick pay this pay period. Whole another rant on the unethical treatment of white employees of tribal organizations. Needless to say my ass was not happy when I finally arrived back to the house this morning after shift. Then I am informed by my elderly mother she ended up in the Emergency Room while I was gone on shift for a sinus infection/tooth infection. But did not want to worry me while I was gone at work 60 miles away.

Shit Piss fuck and other words. Monday I dealt with the ignorance that runs the tribal payroll. I am then informed that my sort of girl friend also had a medical incident while I was at work where she was sent home from work and would not be working today as well. FUCK me running. I was dumb enough to help her out getting into a new vehicle and adding her to my insurance now she misses two days of work. Plus she will not respond to me about the whole situation when I call and text her. I am done with other people. Time for me to become a hermit and live in a fucking cave.