Happy Holidays and all that other CRAP!!!

December 14th 2010,

Merry Christmas Everyone,

I thought it was time to write a Christmas Blog to let people know that I am still alive and functioning here in Arizona. This is my version of a Christmas letter that would normally be set out in Christmas Cards but as that is not financial feasible or even worth the effort with my lack of real friends or family I write to my non exsistent blog readers.

Life has changed since the last time I wrote one of these in 2007. In 2008 life had some major peaks and valleys that have mostly resolved themselves this year. I briefly managed the ambulance company where I have worked for several years but the pay and the drive made it a money loss compared to regular shift work, I resigned and proceeded to get screwed by my Department Director on putting me back on the ambulance full time. So from December 17th 2008 until October 1st 2010 I was officially part-time at the ambulance company. No set schedule, no guaranteed hours, always having to go to work when called in, this was my life or complete lack there of.

All this while the country was in the heart of the 2nd great depression where a college degree is no longer the golden ticket to success as I found out. I looked for other full time employment and no available in the tri-state area here. Even national job search and phone interviews yielded minimal results, occasional offers of entry level positions across the country for less than I make part time as an EMT. This all really made life a living hell I suffered through in relative silence. Broken-hearted as well because during that initially trying period the woman I was seeing was cheating on me and finally dumped me when the cash flow slowed down. But being who I am I just dealt with it, tried some more online dating with poor results. Most people that are single are so for a reason. Myself included.

I finally found someone amazing online this past September; she was what I needed at the time. She is someone who was actively interested in me and my life. We grew close though writing, phone calls, spent some time together, and are now great friends but unfortunately will never be more than that. Even though I don’t have the relationship that I want I do have a better one that I actually need. She was the light that helped me find my way out of the darkness of the past 2 years. I had to do the work myself and find the inner strength to go on but she made this possible through a simple acts of kindness and compassion.

She gave me the courage to finally confront my bosses and nail down if or when I would ever get back on full time and or why not. She got me interested in living again rather than existing and surviving day to day. I was at my lowest point when I found her, sleeping 16 hours a day when not on shift at work, eating to fill the sad emptiness inside of me, and spending my waking hours lost in books and movies. She never once told me to lose weight, get in physically fit, or change. I was inspired to do it on my own because someone cared. It was amazing getting phone calls from a friend without having to be the one to contact them first.

We all get so wrapped up in our everyday lives people from our past that may need something as simple as a phone call get forgotten. Out of sight out of mind. It is the cursed of the modern society that we live in where we are only connected through the internet with Facebook and Twitter, text messages have replaced phone calls, and so on. So what does all this mean? I have not a clue.

Time for a break from the Grind

Today is the first day of my vacation. First time I have taken off since getting back to full-time status at the ambulance after my 21 months in purgatory of part time. Last time I had a shift off I called in for my gout so I was not doing anything other than suffering in a tremendous amount of pain. With the diet and exercise program I think I have kicked gout's ass but keep on the medication to be safe. I have 12 days off until I have to go back to work. I will be spending several of those days with the most awesome woman in the world. I plan to make the mini vacation as special as possible.

I actually had no vacation time to use for this vacation so I did time for time trades over Thanksgiving. 96 hour shifts on holidays suck ass. I did the same damn thing last year over the New Years Holiday as well. I have been pulling a crap load of overtime the last 6 weeks to be cash heavy for vacation. For a change I am financially solvent, paid ahead on all bills, and still have a fat amount in the bank account readily accessible for my trip to Las Vegas starting this Sunday. I am so ready see this small town in my rear-view window Sunday afternoon. No Mom to take care of and drive around, no yipping dog to deal with, and actually spend time with people who care genuinely about me. Sounds like a little slice of heaven. I may not want to come back.

Changes

It is been awhile since writing on this blog. Work has been overwhelming lately. No high stress calls just copious amounts of overtime. One may wonder why a man with simple tastes and few material needs would spend so much time working overtime at a job that can be amazing and soul crushing at the same time. My Motivation for doing this has been to help out the most amazing woman I have ever known.

This woman has given me the best gift of hope and helped me start to live my life again. Her kindness and compassion reached me where others could not. I want to help her and give her the best life possible. I plan to make things as amazing and stress free for her as I can while at the same time spoiling her and treating her like a woman should be treated. My hope is that our friendship continues to grow and maybe blossom into more but if not I will still have a best friend who really cares for me.

I often jump into things blindly but I do not care this time. Moderation is for Monks. It is time to take big bites of life and go for my dreams. I can not wait for Monday December 6th when I get to go and bring My Princess to her new life. If I do nothing else with my life I will know I have done one truly good thing by helping this woman who has done so much for me through simple kindness and compassion. How do you repay someone for helping you to live again? I do not know but I will move heaven and earth for this woman and do anything she would ask of me.

The Power of Love as a Motivator

In less than 8 weeks my life has radically changed. I have gone from the depths of blackest despair to the glorious heights of emotional bliss of a man in love. All because I took one last chance on the whole internet relationship thing. I found my ultimate fantasy woman, someone so far out of my normal range of expectation as to be unobtainable. I opened my heart to her with my honesty and sincerity about who I am, what I am about, and where I would like to be in life. She responded with kindness and honesty. We formed a fast and quick bond that is slowly growing into a beautiful friendship that may lead to more in the near future. We both acknowledge we have our problems in the past and that affects our perceptions of the present but working together we can overcome any obstacle.

This woman is a goddess on earth, compassion, kindness, warmth, empathy, and beauty in one marvelous package. I feel blessed to have her as my only best and true friend. This amazing woman has inspired me to change my life so much for the better in just 2 months, what could I do with her by my side for a lifetime? In just 2 months she has given me the courage to deal with a toxic work situation and make it better, she has inspired me to live my life to the fullest, and I am now eating right and exercising. I am doing this on my own, not at her suggestion but as my desire to be the best possible man I can be in all ways. This amazing woman has inspired me to do so much in such a short period of time, I have went back to church, attended a catholic mass and confession, I have made peace with my inner struggle with my faith, I have become tolerant, patient, caring, and compassionate. I am trying to live by the Golden Rule. Treating others the way I wish to be treated.

This spectacular woman has given me the gift of life and hope. This is the rarest of gifts for a man alone in a cold and lonely world. The days since 12/18/08; when my world came spinning apart, have been sad and lonely with only brief moments of levity. The kinds words of strangers online and people from my past we the best I had to look forward to each day. I only attempted to date women that I thought would like me, my interest in them only a reflection of an interest in me. I now have a woman in my life I care for with all my heart and soul. I would marry her tomorrow if she would say yes but she has more wisdom than I in matters of the heart and wants to continue on the path we are on. I believe she is my one. I have felt this way before but this time maybe it is true.

The Power of Motivation

Hello Blogosphere,

The Grumpy EMT here again, Today’s topic is the power of motivation. In this ever changing world motivation is needed daily to thrive and survive in the chaos and turmoil of the new decade. With gross uncertainty in all sectors of employment, lack of confidence in the government, and a week dollar none of us knows what we will face in the weeks and months ahead. What will motivate you to succeed where others have failed? What will be the driving force to give you strength and courage to face the unpleasant changes this world has to offer? Is it your individual faith in God that motivates you to do good works in his name for your sake and your family’s sake? Is it a desire to make sure your family is safe and feed and can weather the storm we are facing? The revival of the survivalist movement of the 90’s re-branded into a more mainstream friendly title of Prepping is the driving motivation for some of us out there.

People have many goals and dreams for their lives but some lack the focus on how to achieve these dreams. Making your dreams come true is a pretty simple task when you think of it in a linear fashion. Decide what you want, write it down, then write down how this can happen, the tasks you must complete to reach the dream. It may be one step it may be many depending on the complexity of the dream. Many will say but its too hard, I can’t do it, the X-Y-Z hold me back, these are all fallacies and personal roadblocks we create to stop ourselves through no conscious effort. We are often conditioned to fail in this society through the education system. We all know there will always be a safety net to save us from our bad choices. I say cut the net and live or die on your own like a free man. Pretty bold huh, we can’t just cut our ties to the system but we can cut our dependence on the system.

The government only started the true nanny state in the past century, before that you were on your own in society with only your family as back up. This is a system that needs to come together again for the betterment of the American People. Family values are at an all time low in our culture, we are an instant gratification society, embodied by the sentiment of if it feels good do it, and its all about me. There are some noble few who still believe in the constitution as written, they are many of the brave men and women in the American Military. Contrary to the popular belief they swear an oath to the constitution not the president. This is a safe guard to our freedom as sovereign citizens, the Framers always knew that when people realized they could vote themselves anything they wanted through a democracy bad times would be a coming. This election is all about the Grasshoppers and the Ants and the battle for political power. People have become so dependant on the system they see no other was and refuse to look for one. So what the hell does this semi political rant have to do with motivation? Easy, you are the master of your own destiny. The choices you make today will rule your world tomorrow.

This concept goes against all current educational conditioning but people need to focus on themselves and then expand from their outward in a series of layers. How do my actions affect others in my house, my street, my city, my state, and my country? Not the easiest of tasks. We are not trained in that type of thought. The ideal of civic duty, honor, and integrity are dying in everyday culture. You need to see the big picture and your part in it. Then motivate yourself through the most positive of ways to bring about the changes you want to see in yourself, your home, your street, your city, and your state. If just 25% of the population would do this we could have a better life for ourselves. Okay fine Mr. Grumpy EMT what motivates you to make these changes? That is the easiest question I have answered all day, the friendship of one good woman. I have lived my life alone and only sacrificed for family and sometimes for friends.

Everyone has let me down. No one until recently had my back. All I needed was a friend to call and listen when I needed to talk and share my feelings. This is something many will take for granted as most people believe they are rich in friendships. Wait until you have spent enough time alone and really think about when was the last time someone called just to talk. Not called because they needed your expertise in whatever area you specialize in just to say hello how is your day and how have you been. When you frame the question in that context you may surprise yourself or maybe not. This beautiful woman through kindness and gentle compassion has inspired me to live my life again to the fullest. TO be the man I have always dreamed of being, not the man I have fell into being through apathy. She did this not through nagging or any other suggestions to change who I am. She just inspired me to want more, to see the beauty in all things, and enjoy the precious gift of life. She is one of those rare people who make you stronger just by being in your life.

So who or what will motivate you today to live your life to the fullest, to prepare for the dark days we are facing in this ever changing world? Time is short people, make the most of it.

One Step forward Two Steps back aka The EMS Shuffle

Sunday October 24th 5pm

Well another week has come and gone for the Grumpy EMT. Not much new, the job is the job with the ever changing cast of characters that are run on each shift. My personal dislike for the human race; as a whole, starts to increase this time of year as the Holiday Season approaches. The entire commercialization of this time of the year is utterly appalling. It is not even Halloween yet and the stores have the Christmas crap out as well. I understand that in the down economy that for some growth to happy money needs to be spent but for crying out loud every dime spent at Wal-Mart is going to China.

The personal life had some real peaks and valley though…exercise regime has gone very well. The Grumpy EMT will be adding another ½ mile to the morning/evening walking route and more exercises of the Stretching/Calisthenics pre-walk and post walk routine. The Grumpy EMT’s personal social took a major set back the potential Mrs. Grumpy EMT decided we needed to slow things down to a snails pace. Really disappointing but being the pessimist that I am was not fully unexpected. Having someone beautiful, sweet, and sexy in my life was a dream come true but as with all dreams they eventually end. Who knows what the future will hold for the Grumpy EMT? Just have to face life day by day and see what develops and hope to avoid visits from Mr. Murphy and has friends.

Enough is ENOUGH!!

I live in the State of Arizona, Mohave County, in the incorporated city of Golden Valley. As a citizen of this unique state I am fed up with the politics at all levels. Every politician at all levels needs to put their left hand on their left ear and grip tightly. Then do the same with right hand to their right ear. Next the entire collective needs to pulls their heads out of their asses in a swift quick motion. The attack ads are getting ridiculous, I am glad I voted already by mail in ballot. Unfortunately the majority of the uninformed zombie masses will vote on election day swayed by the last nasty ad their little brains can remember. Or worse vote the straight party ticket. I hope people wake up soon, we are all passengers on 'The Titanic' and this country is going down fast. For those that read and have a grasp of History the fall of the Roman Empire is happening right now to this Once great country.

It is not just the Feds, it is all levels of government that have disconnected from the average person. The local county board of supervisor are the 3 best examples of how not to run a county. They hired a man with a Napoleonic Complex to be county manager who now spends the funds on beefing up security on all county buildings when senior citizens meal programs are being cut. The board has chosen to enact pet regulations on the numbers of cats and dogs each person can have on their property. Yet not jack shit is done to deal with growing problem of abandoned pets in the county that have turned into feral packs. Abandoned by owners who could no longer care for them due to the economy taking a major dump for the last 3 years. Wake up people, get out of the house, turn off the cell phone, and leave the computer(after reading this blog of course). Look at the world we live in and think about the future that is being left for the next generations. Generations that are barely literate, cannot read a map, and depend entirely on electronics for entertainment. End of Rant

The Joys of Working

I have run out of reasons to bitch and whine, my employer finally did the right thing after two years of feeding me turd sandwiches and made me a full time employee again with health benefits starting in Feb of 2011. The days of financial insecurity are over now. I can budget and account for all incoming funds with confidence and security; well as much as anyone really can during this 'economic recovery' and 'growth period' if you believe the mainstream media. I even have a good woman in my life and who loves and wants me around, she believes in me, and is a goddess. My actual vision of a dream girlfriend if I was asking for one from a genie when I finally find the magic lamp in this desert oasis. Maybe someday she will be reading this and smile.

My job still is far from ideal but I have finally learned to shut up pass the canapés. It is a skill I would have been wise to employ earlier in my life. Oh well live and learn. Now to work the system and pick up a second job as the life of an EMT is such you can really work 2 full time jobs or 2 part time and one full time. I have the plan in motion to join the Borg Collective which would be ideal and open many more career opportunities paths for my over educated ass.

Well signing off for now.

09/12=The Day after when we all were united as one.

I still remember that day when everyone was united as a country. This is very likely the last time ever in the history of these United States when everyone shared a common thought. There were no progressives, neo-conservatives, blue states, red states, or uninformed voters. We were all American’s that next with a unified vision of right, wrong, sadness, fear, and hope for justice. Nine years later, with many lives lost in war there is an election looming in November.

Americans need to become passionate again and vote. Not for the party, the race of a candidates skin color, but strictly on the issues at hand in this country. Both parties play the political blame game. This is like two spoiled children doing he said she said over who spilled the milk. It is past the point of who did what. Get your act together and do what is right. We either unite as one again or divide the republic.

There is such a spilt in the country that varies with the region people live in and how that affects their attitudes and belief systems. Neither is more correct than the other. It is obvious there is no hope for compromise as all the politicians care about is power and not the people. Term limit’s, removing lobbyists, and no one being allowed to have a political career longer than 20 years would be a great start. Not going to happen but the thought is valid.

The Day the Towers Fell

September 11th-What does this day mean to me?

I have been an EMT-Basic since August 8th 2000. As an EMS provider this day is a sacred holiday to me. I am not going to promote the standard flag waving vitriol that many will do today. I will not remember just the 343 FDNY or the passengers of all the flights. I want to have people remember the uncounted EMS personnel that were there loading people into rigs when the towers went down.
Those people were Heroes’ as were the Firefighters that died that day. The most notable thing is that they don’t wear 50 pounds or more of protective gear. They had no SCBA’s to help them breath in the dust and they sucked down more of the crap in the air. EMS crews and often called ambulance jockeys and meat hauling monkeys, but without us helping to stabilize the patient the hose dragger's would not be heroes. It is a system. Emergency Medical Services, all one team with many players.
So on this day of days, remember all those who fell that fateful day, those who were there doing the job, and those who have always been here before 9/11 became a term associated with the worst American attack on American soil since December 7th, 1941. For me as an EMS provider there are those of us who did the job before 9/11 and everyone else now doing the job. Those doing the job now do so with vim and vigor but don’t totally understand us old timers who were on the job back in the day.