December 14th 2010,
Merry Christmas Everyone,
I thought it was time to write a Christmas Blog to let people know that I am still alive and functioning here in Arizona. This is my version of a Christmas letter that would normally be set out in Christmas Cards but as that is not financial feasible or even worth the effort with my lack of real friends or family I write to my non exsistent blog readers.
Life has changed since the last time I wrote one of these in 2007. In 2008 life had some major peaks and valleys that have mostly resolved themselves this year. I briefly managed the ambulance company where I have worked for several years but the pay and the drive made it a money loss compared to regular shift work, I resigned and proceeded to get screwed by my Department Director on putting me back on the ambulance full time. So from December 17th 2008 until October 1st 2010 I was officially part-time at the ambulance company. No set schedule, no guaranteed hours, always having to go to work when called in, this was my life or complete lack there of.
All this while the country was in the heart of the 2nd great depression where a college degree is no longer the golden ticket to success as I found out. I looked for other full time employment and no available in the tri-state area here. Even national job search and phone interviews yielded minimal results, occasional offers of entry level positions across the country for less than I make part time as an EMT. This all really made life a living hell I suffered through in relative silence. Broken-hearted as well because during that initially trying period the woman I was seeing was cheating on me and finally dumped me when the cash flow slowed down. But being who I am I just dealt with it, tried some more online dating with poor results. Most people that are single are so for a reason. Myself included.
I finally found someone amazing online this past September; she was what I needed at the time. She is someone who was actively interested in me and my life. We grew close though writing, phone calls, spent some time together, and are now great friends but unfortunately will never be more than that. Even though I don’t have the relationship that I want I do have a better one that I actually need. She was the light that helped me find my way out of the darkness of the past 2 years. I had to do the work myself and find the inner strength to go on but she made this possible through a simple acts of kindness and compassion.
She gave me the courage to finally confront my bosses and nail down if or when I would ever get back on full time and or why not. She got me interested in living again rather than existing and surviving day to day. I was at my lowest point when I found her, sleeping 16 hours a day when not on shift at work, eating to fill the sad emptiness inside of me, and spending my waking hours lost in books and movies. She never once told me to lose weight, get in physically fit, or change. I was inspired to do it on my own because someone cared. It was amazing getting phone calls from a friend without having to be the one to contact them first.
We all get so wrapped up in our everyday lives people from our past that may need something as simple as a phone call get forgotten. Out of sight out of mind. It is the cursed of the modern society that we live in where we are only connected through the internet with Facebook and Twitter, text messages have replaced phone calls, and so on. So what does all this mean? I have not a clue.
No comments:
Post a Comment