Out in the Cold

Well dear readers things have not improved for the GrumpyEMT. Just when life seems its most cold and lonely it can always get worse. The one person I have always thought would be there to lend a supportive ear has up and disappeared from my life with no explanation. I understand we all have tough times and sometimes need to focus on ourselves. Thats life and as a man I understand this fact. What I do not understand is a total lack of communication. I was dumb enough to help this person solve their transportation issues by being a cosigner for them, Helped get them in a better housing situation, and helped find cash side jobs. Now their lack of fulltime regular employment is preventing the car payments from being made. Bad enough the insurance is in my name and I have to pay it cause its attached to my cars policy with a multi vehicle cheaper rate. The time for being kind and helpful is over. Caring about someone and putting myself out there is a losing proposition. If this person would just speak to me in some manner and let me know what is going on I would feel better having some knowledge of whats going on and could deal with the situation in a more positive fashion. Ugh life blows. MESSAGE ENDS

Managing Expectations

Managing expectations, this is a skill most adults should have but often do not. I have finally gotten better about managing my expectations in life. I have learned that I need to expect the worst from everything and be surprised when something good happens. I have worked hard to be positive and do good things. I just hurts to much to put that kind of effort into everything when nothing positive comes back. These last 7 days have been all about learning to manage my expectations. I had hoped that going on vacation would give me a break from routine and help me maintain focus and stay on track. WRONG! It managed to show me reality up close and personal and reaffirm my role in the universe. In the story of my life I am not the hero, I am a secondary character who dies off in the second act to move the story forward. Whats really said is that I am fine with this fact. I have realized that if I was gone tomorrow my passing would only effect my Mom and a friend. The effect would be only 20% emotional and 80% financial as they both depend on my monetary support. Mom would be fine with my life insurance and my friend would move on and find another form of support. That is the crushing realization that I came face to face this week, all I am is a paycheck. I earn a decent living and help support 2 people. I have to love, romance, or passion in my life. My best friends are fictional characters I spend time with in books. My primary socialization is online through social networking sites, and I have no one I can call to spend face time with when I need it the most. So I have learned to manage my expectations of what I want in life. Love, family, and children are for other people. All I can reasonably expect is to wake up and spend another day alone, facing the same challenges each day brings. Hope is something I can longer afford. Tomorrow is just another day the same as this one.