Another crappy shift at work. Big shock there, I was stuck being shift supervisor since the regular supervisor was on vacation. Pain in the ass. The older of the two new guys is really getting on my nerves, he is one of those guys who always one ups you, can get better deals on anything because he knows a guy, and has been there done that for everything. Okay, I understand hes new and trying to fit in, hes insure because of his recent divorce, and he is starting at the bottom in a new company at 43. But fucking get over yourself. Stop trying to be "The Man" and fucking get up in the morning, do your part of station chores, and was your own fucking ambulance.
Being an EMT is so fucking easy. You learn your shit in school, spend the first year learning how to do those skills in the real world. Thats it. The rest of the time is learning to combat boredom if you work in a rural area like I do.I had four calls in 48 hours. 2 were transport so that is a total of 5 hours, the other 2 calls maybe 1 hour counting paper work. 2 hours of station chores and ambulance washing. So that leaves 40 hours to kill watching TV, surfing the net, and reading. Easy job.
I have unfortunately worked with guys and girls who can not find ways to kill time without causing hate and discontent. Some will have affairs with co workers, some will start drama, some will do anything to make themselves feel better, and other just live to piss others off. I don't get it. Probably cause I am an only child and learned at a young age how to entertain myself and enjoy solitude.
I really hate people yet work in a service industry.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Moment of Clarity
Sad states of affairs.
This week provided one of those true moments of clarity again for me. I work for an ambulance company doing a 48/96 shift schedule. SO I am away from home for 48 hours. I work about 60 miles away from my home. This week I forgot my cell phone when I was packing for shift. This was Inconvenient but a manageable problem. So shift ends I return home check my phone to find no missed calls or text messages.
This was my moment of clarity. I could drop off the earth for 2 days and no one would notice. This got me really wondering about my state of interpersonal connection with others so I went through my call log. Only incoming calls in last 90 days not related to work or credit related were from 2 people I am friends with that moved away. That’s it…with the exception of calls from my Mother mainly relating to what she needs from the store. This fact depressed me so much I decided well people mainly text message now maybe I am being overly dramatic. I went through the text messages in my phone. All conversations were started by me.
This fact pushed me deeply into despair. I always knew I would have a hard time in life making meaningful connections with other people. I was an only child and realized that I was different, no special just different. Where some people can make friends easily I can not. And sadly I have hit the point in life where I just do not trust people anymore. I have learned everyone has an agenda, something they want whether it is just attention or money they all want something. Even me, I want a friend. I want someone who will be there for me when I need to talk or just sit together and not be alone.
My different state of being was illuminated this week as a co-worker and I talked about what we would do after winning the power ball lottery. He talked of travel, homes, and cars. I talked to paying off 5 specific families debts and setting them up financially for the next 5 years. He wanted to know what I would want for myself, all I could think of was paying off my debts and buying a nice self sustaining property far from people. Maybe do something to improve my physical health. That is my sad lotto dream.
So I now feel much more self aware and much more conscious of my total lack of meaning friendships in the real world. Am I going to fundamentally change my approach to life? No. As Popeye famously said I am what I am.
This week provided one of those true moments of clarity again for me. I work for an ambulance company doing a 48/96 shift schedule. SO I am away from home for 48 hours. I work about 60 miles away from my home. This week I forgot my cell phone when I was packing for shift. This was Inconvenient but a manageable problem. So shift ends I return home check my phone to find no missed calls or text messages.
This was my moment of clarity. I could drop off the earth for 2 days and no one would notice. This got me really wondering about my state of interpersonal connection with others so I went through my call log. Only incoming calls in last 90 days not related to work or credit related were from 2 people I am friends with that moved away. That’s it…with the exception of calls from my Mother mainly relating to what she needs from the store. This fact depressed me so much I decided well people mainly text message now maybe I am being overly dramatic. I went through the text messages in my phone. All conversations were started by me.
This fact pushed me deeply into despair. I always knew I would have a hard time in life making meaningful connections with other people. I was an only child and realized that I was different, no special just different. Where some people can make friends easily I can not. And sadly I have hit the point in life where I just do not trust people anymore. I have learned everyone has an agenda, something they want whether it is just attention or money they all want something. Even me, I want a friend. I want someone who will be there for me when I need to talk or just sit together and not be alone.
My different state of being was illuminated this week as a co-worker and I talked about what we would do after winning the power ball lottery. He talked of travel, homes, and cars. I talked to paying off 5 specific families debts and setting them up financially for the next 5 years. He wanted to know what I would want for myself, all I could think of was paying off my debts and buying a nice self sustaining property far from people. Maybe do something to improve my physical health. That is my sad lotto dream.
So I now feel much more self aware and much more conscious of my total lack of meaning friendships in the real world. Am I going to fundamentally change my approach to life? No. As Popeye famously said I am what I am.
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