Well Time for those New Years Resolutions as 2012 is ending. I am not resolving to do anything special this year other than stop trying to help everyone. I am done being Mr Nice Guy there to lend a hand and help people out no matter what. There have been times this past year when I have went above and beyond to help people and expected nothing in return. I have also had some seriously low emotional points where I could have used someone, anyone really to spend human face time talking with to sooth my mental well being. These same people that have parasitical leeched my time, money, and kindness would not even answer the freaking phone when I called and needed to talk.
There are two people who were there for me when I needed someone and they know who they are if they even realize that I write a blog. I am done with self involved self centered human leeches. The fact that I am kind, moderately intelligent, and gifted with gadgets people want my time and knowledge for free at their beck and call. I started my new attitude today at work when a co-worker wanted to pick my brain on computer related subject. I stated loudly and clearly that as this place we work did nothing to empower or assist in my education that my knowledge that is not directly related to the skills I am required to perform was something I no longer give for free. My hourly rates start at $40 an hour to look at a computer whether it is an issue that is a quick fix or not. $40 cash in hand or get lost.
I arrived at this number from a friend who does computer repair and he said that the amount normally thin's out the idiots and pests who want their computer fixed and monitored for free. Legit problems then are much more easily dealt with by someone who really needs something fixed and is willing to part with the cash. These are sound rational human beings who are a joy to help and you then cut them a break when possible.
This same mercenary attitude is also being carried over into other aspects of my life in dealing with family and other friends. I have enough friends and do not want to add more life draining friends to the mix. Have plenty of those. I want to add people of substance and value to my life. People who will bring out the positive in me and help me decrease the negative.
MESSAGE ENDS
Monday, December 31, 2012
Monday, December 24, 2012
Bah Humbug!
Well no work this holiday for me. I am scheduled to be on duty tomorrow morning but thanks to the ass clown I work with who came in sick last shift and announced " I don't give a fuck if you all get sick I am not going home so fuck you all!"Nice colleagues I share a working environment with for 48 hours at a time. So this prick was serious as he did not isolate himself in his bunk-room at all, would come out to the day-room cough all over without covering his mouth then dig through the fridge and cough more into it. I felt cruddy yesterday while delivering Christmas gift but shrugged it off as just feeling blue and crappy spending another holiday basically alone. Without my online friends, the few real world friends living in other states, and one friend here in AZ, I would be lost this time of the year.
So yesterday afternoon the cruddy feeling became full blown fever, sore throat, headache, fatigue, and huge swollen glands in my neck. I was a sick kid growing up; sore throats, strep throat, and tonsillitis were my common ailments. I started a ibuprofen regimen along with hydration plan. I gave in this morning and went to urgent care and spent the required 2 hours waiting with the angry unwashed masses of humanity waiting to be seen by the doctor. The upside to being a 13 EMT, being quiet, well spoken, and polite is that I have an excellent rapport with most healthcare workers.
The staff at this Urgent Care near my residence know me and know I am not seeking pain meds or attention. I am just there for some antibiotics so I can get better and carry on with my life. Smiling and flirting with the Medical Assistants and treating them like worthwhile human beings by asking how they are today and calling them by their first name goes a long way. Some people spend 30 minutes in the back from time they leave the lobby until they are seen by a sent on their way with a prescription. I am in and out in less than 15 minutes normally.
Kindness and patience does pay. I put a mini-seminar on for the one angry man next to me in the lobby about why the wait was so long. He completely changed his attitude towards the Urgent Care practice and the staff during that short 10 minutes. I try to do good things each day some days are better than others. I think I helped this man understand something new today so that is my win for the day.
Well Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Everyone who actually reads these rambling accounts of my life.
So yesterday afternoon the cruddy feeling became full blown fever, sore throat, headache, fatigue, and huge swollen glands in my neck. I was a sick kid growing up; sore throats, strep throat, and tonsillitis were my common ailments. I started a ibuprofen regimen along with hydration plan. I gave in this morning and went to urgent care and spent the required 2 hours waiting with the angry unwashed masses of humanity waiting to be seen by the doctor. The upside to being a 13 EMT, being quiet, well spoken, and polite is that I have an excellent rapport with most healthcare workers.
The staff at this Urgent Care near my residence know me and know I am not seeking pain meds or attention. I am just there for some antibiotics so I can get better and carry on with my life. Smiling and flirting with the Medical Assistants and treating them like worthwhile human beings by asking how they are today and calling them by their first name goes a long way. Some people spend 30 minutes in the back from time they leave the lobby until they are seen by a sent on their way with a prescription. I am in and out in less than 15 minutes normally.
Kindness and patience does pay. I put a mini-seminar on for the one angry man next to me in the lobby about why the wait was so long. He completely changed his attitude towards the Urgent Care practice and the staff during that short 10 minutes. I try to do good things each day some days are better than others. I think I helped this man understand something new today so that is my win for the day.
Well Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Everyone who actually reads these rambling accounts of my life.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Wednesday Blue's
Back at work for another shift. It is weird how when I am at home I just want to be at work and at work I want to be home. I guess the grass is always greener. Home life does suck lately but I try to make the best of it. Mom spending her days watching TV and getting brainwashed by the Mainstream Media is very hard to watch. There is just something not right about it, I feel so much better now that I rarely watch live TV and just get the programs I really enjoy as scheduled viewing events as time allows. Tomorrow brings another payday for me so I will be ghetto rich for a few days. I should just pay shit off and try to find something nice for Mom for Christmas but have not clue what to get for her again this year. Just need to finish small items shopping for two co workers and I be done with the holiday madness.
The Sandy Hook shooting has really changed the national consciousness about guns again. I hate that people no longer can think for themselves and only parrot what the talking heads have to say, their friends on the social media have to say, or other sources in the internet. When going to college I was taught you need to use real source material for any research why does this not apply to the news?
Social life is not a functioning thing. How sad is it that I drove a total of 6 hours yesterday to go to Phoenix area to see a good friend for 2 hours? I am so lonely most days I would do anything and have done things for people who are my friends. I only have 2 friends in the state of Arizona. I know many people but have none I really can count on to show up when I am in need. Unfortunately this is how my life has always been. I have people I can call to talk when I need that but there are times when you need someone there for face time.
Oh well only 1 more day until the world ends. So be it. MESSAGE ENDS
The Sandy Hook shooting has really changed the national consciousness about guns again. I hate that people no longer can think for themselves and only parrot what the talking heads have to say, their friends on the social media have to say, or other sources in the internet. When going to college I was taught you need to use real source material for any research why does this not apply to the news?
Social life is not a functioning thing. How sad is it that I drove a total of 6 hours yesterday to go to Phoenix area to see a good friend for 2 hours? I am so lonely most days I would do anything and have done things for people who are my friends. I only have 2 friends in the state of Arizona. I know many people but have none I really can count on to show up when I am in need. Unfortunately this is how my life has always been. I have people I can call to talk when I need that but there are times when you need someone there for face time.
Oh well only 1 more day until the world ends. So be it. MESSAGE ENDS
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Being a Nice Guy
Another Sunday here in the High Desert in Mohave County. Weather is getting cool for the natives of AZ but just right for this Minnesota Farmboy. O for some real lasting snow and double digit negative degree windchill. That would bring a smile to me face. Yes I know I ain't right.
Yesterday was the first day of my four days off after a mild shift on the funbus. I had a commitment to one female friend to provide transport for her to work until I could pickup her car at the shop. Same car I helped her purchase. Stop rolling your eyes I am not her sugar daddy. She is a good person who has hit a really bad stretch. Been there myself and was helped in this same way by a close friend who did these same things for me almost 20 years ago. Karma is more than just a hippie slogan.
I had to drive from my job to her house and then to her work. Basically when I dropped her off 5 minutes late(Not my fault ass-clowns on the shift after me could not show up if there lives depended on it on fucking time ever)Returned home and on the trip back another female friend called in a panic about her lady bits and excessive abnormal bleeding. This woman is an ex of mine. Long story stupid chick. So after giving her my Emergency Medical Technician perspective on the problem and her choices I am now committed to picking this chick up at her place as her ghetto glider would not handle the trip to the ER.
So I got to spend 4 hours with a neurotic self involved judgmental woman in the ER. She wanted the magic pixie dust everyone thinks they will get by going to the ER. She was given antibiotics and told to go she her ob/gyn. Same thing I told her 4 hours prior. I drop her off, add gas to my car to go get my friend at work. Take her back to her car, get my hug good night, and go home alone.
Annoyed, lonely, and horny. Ugh, that is my life right now. Service to others for all the good it actually does me. I know that being a good person is supposed to be it's own reward but come on...at what point will I get to have the happiness I so badly want. I have a best friend that I really need in the first woman.
I just get frustrated going through life eternally alone. I am the one others depend on, fine with that but there are days I need to lean on someone. Guess the correct Catholic answer would be to lean on Jesus but someone here and now would really help me mental state. MESSAGE ENDS
Yesterday was the first day of my four days off after a mild shift on the funbus. I had a commitment to one female friend to provide transport for her to work until I could pickup her car at the shop. Same car I helped her purchase. Stop rolling your eyes I am not her sugar daddy. She is a good person who has hit a really bad stretch. Been there myself and was helped in this same way by a close friend who did these same things for me almost 20 years ago. Karma is more than just a hippie slogan.
I had to drive from my job to her house and then to her work. Basically when I dropped her off 5 minutes late(Not my fault ass-clowns on the shift after me could not show up if there lives depended on it on fucking time ever)Returned home and on the trip back another female friend called in a panic about her lady bits and excessive abnormal bleeding. This woman is an ex of mine. Long story stupid chick. So after giving her my Emergency Medical Technician perspective on the problem and her choices I am now committed to picking this chick up at her place as her ghetto glider would not handle the trip to the ER.
So I got to spend 4 hours with a neurotic self involved judgmental woman in the ER. She wanted the magic pixie dust everyone thinks they will get by going to the ER. She was given antibiotics and told to go she her ob/gyn. Same thing I told her 4 hours prior. I drop her off, add gas to my car to go get my friend at work. Take her back to her car, get my hug good night, and go home alone.
Annoyed, lonely, and horny. Ugh, that is my life right now. Service to others for all the good it actually does me. I know that being a good person is supposed to be it's own reward but come on...at what point will I get to have the happiness I so badly want. I have a best friend that I really need in the first woman.
I just get frustrated going through life eternally alone. I am the one others depend on, fine with that but there are days I need to lean on someone. Guess the correct Catholic answer would be to lean on Jesus but someone here and now would really help me mental state. MESSAGE ENDS
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Paradise
It's another December day here in the high desert. I am oddly glad to be working at the ambulance. Just hate being a home lately, trying very hard to be nice to my Mother, kind, and supportive. It's a challenge to watch someone you live let their health deteriorate before your eyes. She refuses to deal further with her COPD, I know at this point her stopping smoking would do more harm than good as the stress to her heart would be really bad but shit! I still have to live in the house with a smoker, she has her perch in the middle to the kitchen by the sink and it makes life inconvenient as hell. I am doing a good job loosing weight and exercising but fuck I end up eating at 6am 11zm and 4pm to accommodate around her.
I promised Dad on his deathbed I would make sure she is taken care of and I still am but it is a challenge emotionally. Having to family support takes its toll on me. The friends I have all look to me for emotional support and to listen to them and their complaints. Fine I will be a good friend and do that but when is it my turn? When do I get to vent? Oh wait I am not allowed that option. Just eat the shit sandwich, smile, and ask for more...
To me Paradise is someplace where I could have the happiness I long for. Someone to love me for me, a comfortable chair to read in, a decent kitchen to cook in, and a hot tub where I could soak my weary body. Maybe the next time around on the wheel of life I will be allowed some small measure of happiness and not another life spent in service to others.
I promised Dad on his deathbed I would make sure she is taken care of and I still am but it is a challenge emotionally. Having to family support takes its toll on me. The friends I have all look to me for emotional support and to listen to them and their complaints. Fine I will be a good friend and do that but when is it my turn? When do I get to vent? Oh wait I am not allowed that option. Just eat the shit sandwich, smile, and ask for more...
To me Paradise is someplace where I could have the happiness I long for. Someone to love me for me, a comfortable chair to read in, a decent kitchen to cook in, and a hot tub where I could soak my weary body. Maybe the next time around on the wheel of life I will be allowed some small measure of happiness and not another life spent in service to others.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Another Sunday
Another Sunday at work. Doing the 48 hour weekend shift. I love it because there is no administration on the property. Work is work, started year 13 as an EMT-Basic. I have surpassed the burnout phase and turned it into career. This last month has been one of change and acceptance for me. My mother; who I have lived with and stayed in this god forsaken desert to take care of because of a promise to my dying Father in 2002, finally admitted to herself that she can no longer work and quit drawing her unemployment after her wrongful termination this past February. This is a blessing and curse for me as now she is dealing with the depression of being dependent on me financially with no way to control the situation. I make a decent living and have plenty of time off. No wife and no kids so all my income goes to my small bills and student loans. She has really had no idea what I earn as all it has been is an abstract concept that I would always buy groceries and give her whatever she asked for or buy whatever she wanted with no thought to the price. We had a screaming match over my buying of a $2500 1980 Ford Bronco as a second vehicle for myself and a project to fiddle with as it is something I really miss doing since I have been trapped in this existence in this desert wasteland. I finally changed all insurance-renters and auto into my own name and found more reasonable prices. She freaked. I finally showed her my tax return from 2011 and told her I am on course to make $3000 over last year. She read the numbers twice and shut the hell up.
A sweet older neighbor lady that is my Mom's best friend asked me to come over to her home to explain her doctors paper work to her. While there I vented my frustration to this sweet lady who now claims me as an adopted grandson. I told her everything. She said while you are at work she would have a talk with my Mom and give her a reality check. She said my Mom is totally spoiled and does not realize she is the envy of the neighbors having a devoted son who caters to her every whim and asks for nothing other that some peace and quiet the night before he goes on duty at the ambulance. I further explained when this sweet lady asked why I did not go to Med School to become a Doctor. I told her I was conditionally accepted at a Physicians Assistant School in Las Vegas but could not go and work full-time and go to school full-time while caring for Mom. To say she was utterly shocked would be an understatement. Well I worked and came home and my Mom's attitude was changed. I am pretty sure my neighbor gave my Mom an ear full.
This years help someone out before the holiday's project has been my best friend Dani. I got her a decent running car from a guy I work with at the ambulance. Its a land yacht but mechanically sound with a few minor things to fix. I am doing all I can to help her get on her feet again and out of her parents home where her and her children are not treated that well. She is a hard worker with a few health issues but she is really striving to get independent again. She got a job the next day after getting the car. She has done hair for several years and is an instructor as well. She is really talented and its nice to watch her life improving though some minor help from me.
I finally went back to church after another 2 year hiatus. I did a full confession and started attending mass again. Its not cool to be a Catholic in today's jaded society but I was never cool anyway. I forgot the comfort that attending mass and going through the rituals of catholic faith brings me. Now if I could find a woman who would want to love me and have a family I could become a whole man again and move forward in my life. Just have to have a little faith and hope for the best.
A sweet older neighbor lady that is my Mom's best friend asked me to come over to her home to explain her doctors paper work to her. While there I vented my frustration to this sweet lady who now claims me as an adopted grandson. I told her everything. She said while you are at work she would have a talk with my Mom and give her a reality check. She said my Mom is totally spoiled and does not realize she is the envy of the neighbors having a devoted son who caters to her every whim and asks for nothing other that some peace and quiet the night before he goes on duty at the ambulance. I further explained when this sweet lady asked why I did not go to Med School to become a Doctor. I told her I was conditionally accepted at a Physicians Assistant School in Las Vegas but could not go and work full-time and go to school full-time while caring for Mom. To say she was utterly shocked would be an understatement. Well I worked and came home and my Mom's attitude was changed. I am pretty sure my neighbor gave my Mom an ear full.
This years help someone out before the holiday's project has been my best friend Dani. I got her a decent running car from a guy I work with at the ambulance. Its a land yacht but mechanically sound with a few minor things to fix. I am doing all I can to help her get on her feet again and out of her parents home where her and her children are not treated that well. She is a hard worker with a few health issues but she is really striving to get independent again. She got a job the next day after getting the car. She has done hair for several years and is an instructor as well. She is really talented and its nice to watch her life improving though some minor help from me.
I finally went back to church after another 2 year hiatus. I did a full confession and started attending mass again. Its not cool to be a Catholic in today's jaded society but I was never cool anyway. I forgot the comfort that attending mass and going through the rituals of catholic faith brings me. Now if I could find a woman who would want to love me and have a family I could become a whole man again and move forward in my life. Just have to have a little faith and hope for the best.
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